Apparently today has been declared by someone to be national Take a Hike Day.

I am quite certain that this designation of the day is intended to encourage people to step out into the great outdoors–to take deep drafts of the crisp Autumn air into their lungs as they exercise and to bring into their souls a renewed appreciation of, if not a more profound sense of connection to, their natural surroundings.

As I type this post, I am sitting by a wide window and looking out into the ten-acre woods immediately behind our lot, and I admit that even I feel somewhat inspired to get out into nature—to walk among the trees, to kick up the dense cover of leaves, to watch the squirrels and chipmunks darting around. I might very well also see groundhogs and deer and, if I wait a few hours until it is closer to dusk, raccoons and possums. I think that there may even be a couple of coyotes hanging about.

But doing all of that would, of course, require me to get up off my fat ass.

And, as you can see, I am still typing.

So, for the sake of convenience, I am self-indulgently going to assume that Take a Hike Day is not intended to be understood literally but, instead, figuratively. In other words, it is intended as the day on which we can all feel free to tell those whom we find dull, insipid, characterless, boring, mindless, trite, bothersome, annoying, frustrating, grating, irritating, exasperating, infuriating, and maddening—to go take a hike.

But, since this sort of emotion so obviously strains any sense politeness—never mind any concern about redundancy–it is probably prudent to convey this sentiment in as nice a way as possible.

So, I am taking my cue from this poster:

And in case you are wondering whom I would like to tell to go take a hike, well, you already know who you are.

And, on this national Take a Hike Day, I do mean that in the nicest possible way.