POSTED BY MARTIN KICH

One of the basic logical fallacies that composition teachers warn their students to avoid is argument by analogy. No one has ever accused California Governor Jerry Brown of being uneducated or unintelligent. But, all too often, Progressives have latched onto their own harebrained ideas about “reforming” education. Of course, political brainstorms seem to have such illuminating clarity when they are expressed in easily graspable analogies that, for the moment at least, the enthusiasm for such “common-sense insight” obscures the actual considerations that complicate, if not completely undermine, the proposal.

Here is some of the opening of an article written by Alexei Koseff for the Sacramento Bee:

Addressing the California Chamber of Commerce host breakfast for the final time as governor, Brown launched into an extended riff about the fast casual Mexican food chain, noting that Chipotle announced this week it is moving its headquarters to California and expressing admiration for its cheap burrito bowls.

“What I like about Chipotle is the limited menu. You stand in the line, get either brown rice or white rice, black beans or pinto beans,” Brown said. “You put a little cheese, a little this, a little that, and you’re out of there. I think that’s a model some of our universities need to follow.”

Brown has repeatedly prodded the state’s public universities, particularly California State University, to improve their graduation rates. He said Wednesday that if they adopted a “limited-menu concept, everyone would graduate on time.”

“They have so damn many courses because all these professors want to teach one of their pet little projects, but then you get thousands and thousands of courses, and then the basic courses aren’t available. It takes kids six years instead of four years,” Brown said.

“I know that’s not politically correct, or intellectually correct, because there’s so much to learn,” he added. “But you don’t learn it all in college. You learn most of it after you leave. So, get a good basic education in whatever field you try to do it in and get out of there.” . . .

UC and CSU officials counter that their challenges are the result of declining state funding, which has not kept pace with rapid enrollment growth, often at the behest of Brown and the Legislature.

They are lobbying this year for hundreds of millions of dollars more than Brown offered in his budget proposal, arguing that the money is needed in part to add more classes.

But Brown has expressed little interest so far in their request, telling the universities to instead “live within their means.” It’s an attitude that traces back to his first governorship four decades ago, when he told UC professors they should derive “psychic income” from their service rather than pushing for raises.

Given to the analogy to Chipotle’s, Brown’s advice to students to get out of there as fast as possible is especially unfortunate.

Here is just a sampling of the Chipotle-related jokes from just one late-night comedian, Conan O’Brien:

“My plan to defeat ISIS. Get them to eat at Chipotle.” Conan O’Brien, 4 Jan. 2016.

“Chipotle said they will be closing all of their stories for one day next month to discuss food safety. Chipotle said that if that doesn’t work, they are going to fall back on their plan B, ‘Salmonella Sundays.’” Conan O’Brien, 19 Jan. 2016.

“Chipotle is now being accused of gender discrimination. A spokesperson for Chipotle said, “That’s not true. We serve both E.coli and She.coli.’” Conan O’Brien, 27 Jan. 2016.

“Yesterday, President O’Bama drank tap water in Flint, Michigan, to show that it was safe. Then he was offered a Chiptle burrito, and he said, ‘Are you batshit crazy?’” Conan O’Brien, 5 May 2016.

“Chipotle is testing deliveries by drone. A spokesman for Chipotle said, ‘If our food is going to fly out of you, it might as well fly into you.’” Conan O’Brien, 12 Sep. 2016.

“A woman in Oregon who was hospitalized for E.coli after eating at Chipotle is suing the company for free Chipotle. It’s all part of Oregon’s ‘right-to-die’ law.” Conan O’Brien, 15 Sep. 2016.

“Chipotle has closed a location in Dallas after diners filmed three rats falling from the ceiling. Don’t worry, the rats died of E.coli before they hit the ground.” Conan O’Brien, 10 Aug. 2017.

“Chipotle is offering a special Halloween promotion. Did you know that? That’s right! Your mouth gets a treat, and then you colon gets a trick.” Conan O’Brien, 31 Oct. 2017.

And, as if to demonstrate that he isn’t targeting Chipotle exclusively, O’Brien offered this joke:

“A new report came out. It says that Chipotle’s E.coli outbreak was linked to its use of fresh ingredients. A spokesperson for long John Silver’s said, ‘Well, we’re safe.’” Conan O’Brien, 4 Feb. 2016.

And here is a Chipotle-related joke by O’Brien that has a direct higher-ed connection:

“Amherst College has decided to get rid of its mascot, Lord Jeff, because its founder Jeffrey Amherst infamously gave smallpox-infected blankets to Native Americans. Amherst’s new mascot is Chipotle.” Conan O’Brien, 26 Jan. 2016.

Jerry Brown may know a great deal about a great many things, but he clearly doesn’t know a lot about “branding” and he has a very narrow notion of the purpose and benefits of higher education.

I would worry that someone at my university will read this post and decide that Brown’s suggestion is so ingenious that we should adopt it, but since we typically spend millions on our “branding” campaigns and have run through most of our reserves, I am guessing that our recent history of reckless mismanagement will now ironically save us.

So I think that I can safely end on a very snarky note and suggest that perhaps each university dining hall can include a Chipotle’s franchise, the site can also be used for student advising and registration, and the students can then complete their registration while ordering.

 

Alexei Koseff’s complete article in the Sacramento Bee is available at: http://www.sacbee.com/news/politics-government/capitol-alert/article211828544.html.